Recent Reads - The Calm I Seek

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The Calm I Seek by Christina Lourens - Rebecca has spent the last few years recovering mentally and emotionally from her late husband's abuse and his violent death. She is determined to keep herself safe, and that means no relationships. But her younger sister asks her to plan her wedding - Rebecca owns an event planning business - thinking Rebecca must have all kinds of time on her hands. Their domineering older sister and a couple of coworkers chime in and Rebecca discovers they all think she has a boring and empty life. She decides to take her coworker's suggestion and signs up for salsa lessons. She enjoys the lessons more than she expected to, and she finds herself drawn to the charming teacher, Gabriel.

As Gabriel and Rebecca spend more time together, she agrees to enter into a casual relationship with him, reasoning that she is lonely but that she doesn't want to be emotionally involved. It's too risky. The trouble is that her heart is already involved. The relationship develops into something more serious.

But when she discovers Gabriel hasn't been completely honest with her, she shuts it down. Then her teenage niece turns to Rebecca for help, putting her in a very difficult situation. She doesn't want to betray Emily's confidence, but pushes her to get help and to talk to her mother, Rebecca's older sister. The dilemma intensifies when tragedy strikes the family. Rebecca must deal with her own guilt and decide whether she is willing to seek redemption by opening up her heart to God. Can she move out of the past to reconcile with her family members and give Gabriel another chance?

Rebecca narrates her own story, so everything is seen through her viewpoint, but even so the personalities of Gabriel and of the older sister come through very well so that I felt like I knew what they were thinking even though Rebecca didn't seem to. It's very well written, with believable dialogue and interactions, and I liked the rawness and reality of Rebecca's reactions and decisions - even the unreasonable and foolish ones. Although the book is written from a Christian perspective, and the characters wrestle with spiritual questions and their personal responses to God, it is real and experiential, and not preachy.

From the publisher:

With love, betrayal and grief disrupting her perfectly peaceful life, will she fight for the happiness she deserves?

After the violent death of her husband, Rebecca Holmes is content leading a quiet life spending time with her sisters and niece. When her younger sister Hannah asks her to plan her wedding, Rebecca discovers her friends and family all think her life is empty. Determined to prove them wrong, Rebecca takes up salsa lessons where she meets the charismatic salsa teacher, Gabriel Rodriguez.

Falling in love is the last thing Rebecca wants to do, but she is inexplicably drawn to Gabriel. Opening her heart again is terrifying, especially after what happened with her late husband. With the help of the local vicar, Rebecca starts to believe that maybe she deserves a happy ending after all.

Just when she's decided to give her heart to Gabriel, a betrayal brings back demons from the past. Heartbroken, Rebecca closes herself off again, but when disaster strikes her family, she is forced to confront her past actions. Can there be redemption for her and can she forgive those who betrayed her?

The Calm I Seek is a heartbreaking novel about forgiveness and redemption.

I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

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